Sexist

How can you tell iff a woman is real fat?

        Her front door has stretch marks.

How can you tell iff a woman is real fat?

        She goes to Japan and sumo wrestlers cower and fear.

How can you tell iff a woman is flat chested?

        You look down her dress and the only bumps you see are her knees.

What are tree reasons why anal sex is better than vaginal sex?

        Its warmer, its tighter, and its more degrating for women.

What do womans pussy and a warm toilet seat have in common?

        They both feel good, but you wonder who has been there before you.

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

        You can unscrew a light bulb.

What is the smartest thing to ever come out of a womans mouth?

        Albert Einsteins dick.

Why are fat chicks so much fun at country western bars?

        You can get them drunk and play the wash bourds on her chins.

Why do women have periods.

        They deserve them.

Why did god make man first?

        He didnt want anyone looking over his shoulder.

What do you call the useless piece of skin around the pussy?

        The woman.

What is the definition of a male chauvinist pig

        A man who hates every bone in a womans body, except his own.

What is the definition of a menstrual period?

        A bloody waste of fucking time.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to bitch at you, what have you done wrong?

        Made her chain to long.

What is a mans idea of helping out with the house work?

        LIfting his legs while she vacuums.

Why does it take five women with PMS to change a light bulb?

        It just fucking does!!!!!!

Why did the woman cross the road?

        Who cares, what is she doing out of the kitchen anyways.

How can you tell if a woman really likes oral sex?

        Every time somebody yawns, she pulls up her skirt.

How can you tell if a woman has a huge ass?

        You have to take a mule to get to the bottom of her crack.

How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb?

        None, the bitch can do it after shes done the dishes.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

        None, they just sit in the dark and bitch about it.

Why is a laundromat a bad place to pick up women?

        If a woman cant afford a washing machine, she would never be able to afford you.

How can you tell a womans pussy really stinks?

        A fly lands on it and throws up.

What is love?

        The delusion that one woman is different from another.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

        Slow down, and possibly use some lubricant.

What do you do if your dishwasher doesnt work?

        Kick her in the ass.

Did you hear about the Nancy Kerrigan meal at Kentucky fried chicken?

        It comes with two small breasts, and a bruised thigh.

How can you tell if a woman is flat chested?

        She needs suspenders to hold up her bra.

What do you call a 300 pound woman?

        Fat.

Why are hurricanes named after women?

        Because it starts with a small blow and ends up taking half of your house.

How can you tell if a woman is a real slut?

        She brings a date to her wedding.

How can you tell if a woman is really ugly?

        A canibal looks at her and orders a salad.

How can you tell if a womans pussy really stinks?

        She doesnt wear any underware, and the dog pukes.

How can you tell if a woman is really fat?

        Young lovers try to carve their innitials into her leg.

How can you tell that a woman cant cook?

        Natives come in and dip their arrows into it.

Did you hear about the new feminine hygene spray called ssy?

        It takes the pu out of pussy.

Why do women have two holes?

        So when they get drunk you can carry them home like a six pack.

What do women and clams have in common?

        When the red tide comes in you dont eat them.

What is the difference between your wife and your job?

        After five years your job will still suck.

Why did god invent lesbians?

        So feminists wouldnt breed.

Why do women have belly buttons?

        Its a place to put your gum on the way down.

Why did the army send so many women with PMS to war?

        They fight like dogs and retain water for four days.

Why is a fat woman like a moped?

        They are both fun to ride until your friends see you.

Why cant you trust a woman?

        You just cant trust something that bleeds for five days without dying.

Whats the best thing about a blow job?

        Ten minuets of silence.

How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose?

        Her ankles swell up when she farts.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?

        They dont have balls to scratch.

What do women and jello have in common?

        They both wiggle when you eat them.

What do you give an 80 year old woman for her birthday?

        Mikey, he eats anything.

What is the definition of a woman?

        The life support system for the pussy.

Why do women have legs?

        So they dont leave a trail like a slug.

Why do women have arms?

        Do you know how long it would take to lick the bathroom clean.

What two things in the air will get a woman pregnant?

        Her legs.

Did you hear about the new all woman delivery service?

        Its called UPMS, they deliver when ever they feel like it.

What do you call a woman that has lost 95% of her intelligence?

        Divorced.

Why does it take a woman so long to orgasm?

        Who cares.

What is the deffinition of a lesbian?

        Just another woman trying to do a mans job.

Why did the deaf girl use two hands to masterbate?

        One hand to do it, and the other one to moan.